These are from a book called
Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the
torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the
first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did
that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: This
myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what
ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You
forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: Now
doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know
about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you
actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The
youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
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ATTORNEY: Were
you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
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(Another
favorite)
ATTORNEY: She had
three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many
were boys?
WITNESS:
None.
ATTORNEY: Were
there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was
your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose
death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you
describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a
male or a female?
WITNESS:
Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
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ATTORNEY: Is your
appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to
your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is
how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor
, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of
a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL
your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you
recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr.
Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
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And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor,
before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: Did you
check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you
check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it
is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: How can you
be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but
could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law.
